Here are some Frequently Asked Questions about hashing that were made up by the Upstate Hash House Harriers.
Why the hell are you answering these questions? Couldn’t the UHHH simply hire a drunken monkey?
The reason I answer these questions is I am the religious advisor for the pack. I was born to a family of wolves in Borneo, but was kidnapped by hashers at age 8 and fed nothing but potted meat and beer until being turned loose on the UH3. I attained the position of RA through a bloodless coup that went virtually unnoticed at the time.
Do I have to be a fast runner to be a hasher?
No. While running is part of hashing, you do not have to be an Olympic-style runner to take part. You just need to have fun. Most hashes are run at a slow pace, and the false trails help keep the pack together.
But I'm a really slow runner, I feel I will hold people back or get left behind?
Nonsense. Slower runners are a huge help to the pack. While the FRBs (Front-Running Bastards) are looking for marks with their heads down, the back of the pack should be scanning side streets and looking ahead to see if they can spot hares, Beer trucks, cops etc.
Ok, next caller? Yes, we have one in Moonville! Go ahead please.
I've read people can die from hashing?
Mostly not true.
Dear Pole Dancer, dinner is riding on this one, so please answer. Was Chuck Norris ever elected president of the United States?
While Chuck has never been elected president, every man elected since Carter has turned to Chuck right before the inauguration to give him the job. They realize they are not worthy to be president with Chuck being alive and in the country. Chuck assures them they are able to be president even if they aren't Chuck Norris. On a side note, though, every Secret Service agent selected to the President's detail since 1982 has had to Survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the solar plexus. While this has drastically cut down on the number of agents, it has assured the president's well being because if a man can survive Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick he can survive anything.
What's with the weird names for hashers?
AAAYEEEE. That's a tough one. First let's explain the process. After a hasher does five hashes and hares a hash (or does something either incredibly stupid and/or memorable), they are eligible to be named. Most of the time, the other hashers know enough about them to draw out stories and anecdotes to come up with a good name. This is usually done during Circle. The person is dismissed from Circle and the Circle members debate possible names. Now the second part: Circle members are usually drunk at this time, which explains some of the bad names given.
Ok, What's the circle?
That is Circle. That is the end of the Hash where we form a circle with chalk or powder. It becomes Circle when we christen it with fermented hops. Circle is where we rehash the "trail" and drink celebratory down-downs. Hash crimes, namings and random acts of stupidity are part of the Circle. For many, it is the best part of the Hash.
Are there rules to the Circle?
There are several, but we’re not going to tell you any except for one: hush. One of the great things about hashing is much of it is learned on the trail and through continued hashing. If we were to tell you all the answers now of what to do and not to do in the Circle, what fun would it be to come to a hash?
Dude, like my best friend's cousin knew a guy who said if you turned off the lights in the bathroom, and lit a candle and said "Daily Newd" three times in a row that Foley would come out of the mirror and make you run a beer mile?
That is an urban legend meant to scare teens and Michigan fans everywhere.
I want to hare, but not sure if I can do it. What should I do?
Haring is not hard. Some hashers prefer haring to anything else. So don't worry. Just ask someone to co-hare with you.
Is it true that you have to drink beer until you become stupidly drunk?
That's not true at all! I can stop any time I want to, I just don't want to. Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood the question. You mean during the hash. Well, the answer is no. You don't have to drink beer until you become stupidly drunk. In fact, you don't have to drink any alcoholic beverage at all. And considerate hares always provide plenty of bottled water for the harriers, or at least have the true trail lead through a creek where their pursuers can stop for a refreshing drink.