15 Inglorious UHHH Moments

From Pole Dancer, his comments in italics:


On the advice of Rigor Mortis, I have taken this off my nerd name (FaceBook) wall and placed here. I have not updated the events because frankly I don't give a shit. But I did add NOTES in italicized where I at least explain what the hell happened.

Some of the lowlights that I have seen or quickly heard about in the grand life of the Upstate Hash House Harriers. Feel free to dispute, add more, ask questions.


15. The incident that gave Grandslammer her name. (NOTE: She decided to leap the fence and run across the outfield at Fluor Field during a game, which was the on after at the first Drink and Drive. She wasn't naked.)


14. The incident that gave Narcoleptic Noodle his name. (NOTE: while haring and working on no sleep and drinking for about 24 hours straight, Ain’t Getting Any decided to say fuck and took a nap on a West End bench on a Sunday afternoon. Yes. He was the hare. Just as the pack was catching up, the cops arrived. They attempted to put AGA in the squad car, but due to his state of inebriation, he rolled around like a wet noodle..hence the new name.)


13. The swarm of bees attacking the pack during the Super Short Summer Hash. Actually, the general injuries on that hash were bad enough. (NOTE: Pole Dancer trail, so yeah.)


12. Rigor Mortis running about six miles off trail, getting caught in the rain and then calling a taxi to get back to the start.


11. Seven Seconds getting bitten by a spider on his toe and going to the hospital.


10. Someone calling the cops on Daily Newd, who was laying trail, and instead of the cops showing up on scene, they went to his house and questioned Lady Long Legs. (NOTE: Trail and where they lived are about a good 30-minute drive apart.)


9. Ass Pocket leaving a bunch of hashers in her house unattended. They promptly rearranged her furniture, and would have changed the locks if they had more time. (NOTE: Foggy at best, but we then left two passed out hashers on her couch and claimed they rearranged everything in a drunken rage.)


8. Running a leg through a dog show, and the only reason there wasn’t a mass arrest was because Rubber Commando knew the cops.


7. The very ancient hash that ended at the Fluor campus. (NOTE: Essentially an orgy broke out during Circle. Essentially, killed Mach I of the Upstate for about 12 months.)


6: The camp fire at the NC/SC Interhash. (NOTE: Orgy, again.)


5. Christine’s (aka Swoller in the Holler) which remains the only place that hashers have declared unfit for them to hang out at. That says a lot about the squalor. (NOTE: Pole, Grampa and Daily Newd were scouting for a green dress in the area that is now the Swamp Rabbit Trail. We see a bar called Christine’s aka Swoller in the Holler. We think perfect place for on-after/beer stop. It is decided that Newd, who was wearing running tights, should stay outside while we investigate. Pole and Grampa walk in through the swinging doors, and the music just fucking stops. A coyote bayed in the distance. We saunter up to the bar and start giving our rap to the bartender, who is looking at us with his one good eye like we were covered in horseshit.  In the middle of our banter, a guy at the end of the bar emits from his one-tooth mouth something that sounds like “Are you Polish?”. Thinking I have met some idiot savant who can recognize facial features to guess ethnicity, I start blathering on about “how did he know” in a voice that is somewhat akin to a teen girl whose skirt is being riled up by the wind. Grampa interrupts and says “Um, he wants to know if you are po-LICE.”  I quickly deny that I am a cop. After some more negotiations, the bartender says we need to fill out membership applications and come back in a few days to see if were admitted to join the club. Grampa, of course, fills out the membership truly. I give a fake name and list my occupation as trucker.  At that point, we head back outside, where we had forgotten about Newd, who then sprang from behind a car, and was wondering what the hell took so long. We never went back.)


4. No Cocky’s verbal argument with a man off White Horse Road. (NOTE: The man in question is one of Greenville’s richest land barons. He has a law degree. No Cocky has a PHD. It was an epic argument.) (Addendum: “You SEEM intelligent” was one of the things he said to No Cocky while calling the cops. While he didn’t want anyone arrested, he ended up making No Cocky retrace his steps and retrieve all of the toilet paper laid as trail.)


3. Moose Knuckle running over a cat with the beer truck. (I don’t think MK ever hashed again after that.)


2. Someone taking a shot at the pack after Daily Newd and Buster (hares) told the landowner’s kid they were being chased by bad people.


1. The general desecration by the pack at the on-in during Green Dress 2006. If you don’t remember exactly, that was the abandoned house where hashers starting trying on clothes after breaking in. (NOTE:  Daily Newd later projectile vomited outside the Mexican restaurant. This event was later cited in the grounds for Pole Dancer’s first divorce proceedings.)