These are the "thou shall not's" when it comes to haring for UHHH:
1. Sign up with the Hare Raiser for an available date.
2. Choose a co-hare.
Maybe even two if it’s a special occasion or you’re particularly lazy. You may also want someone to drive the beverages.
3. Find a safe place to start.
Parking and a bathroom help.
4. Decide where to finish.
That’s called an On-In. Seclusion and bathrooms are added bonuses.
5. Scout the trail.
UHHH generally has a trail 3 miles or so long with 2 beer stops but trails can be longer – with more stops -- during warmer weather. Hashers prefer off-road trails as much as possible, except when they are wearing costumes at which time public humiliation is fine. Shiggy – anything off road (use your imagination) -- is your friend and the pack’s enemy.
6. Remember, UHHH has live runs.
This means that the hares lay trail while the pack tries to catch them. (Dead trails are completely marked by the hares prior to the start of the hash).
- Basic premise — Hashers should get about an hour's worth of exercise, time spent at beer stops is not exercise, but it’s a lot of fun. A trail should be designed to keep the pack together. It's not much fun running by yourself trying to find trail.
- Strategies — Slow down front-running bastards (FRBs) by making them run farther using checks, false trails, beer stops or other creative devices.
- Trail marks — Use flour “hashes,” arrows or toilet paper through woods or other areas where flour is difficult to see. YOU CANNOT LAY TOO MANY HASH MARKS. At minimum, there should be a mark every 25-40 feet. It should be obvious to hashers if they are off trail. Trail needs to be marked heavier for runs in the dark or twilight. An average trail will use up to 10 pounds of flour. Checks — These are breaks in the trail marked by a flour circle with an “X” in the middle. The trail can go in any direction, except where it came from. More than 2 hashes means the trail is good unless later marked false with a special mark. Also, boob checks, P-checks, naughty checks, etc. mean the trail can go anywhere from that point.
- Other crap — Hares can designate other marks of their choosing.
- Remember that Checks and other marks treated as intersections are by definition “true trail”, cannot be part of a count back, and are the return point for false trails.
7. One week or (preferably) more before the start of your hash:
Send your run start location & time info to the Web Master(bater) and the Hare Raiser. We need time to get notice in the newspapers, send carrier pigeons, and send smoke signals. You are responsible for duplicating fliers and distributing them to running stores, gyms, other runners, and nursing homes as you see fit. Seriously though, more harriers will attend if they know where the start is in advance.
8. Our usual hashing fee is $6.
This should include $1 per hasher (even non-paying virgins) going to the Hash Cash, the cost of beer, water, soda, and it's nice if light snacks are provided at the On-In. Let people know if they need to bring money for the On-After or for stops at bars in the middle of the trail. Virgins usually run free, except for special events.
- Hares, remember to bring change. Sometimes, harried harriers only have enough time to shoot through the drive-through and pick up a $20, or a wad of $20s, as the case may be. Hares should give Hash Cash $1 per hasher - do the math, this only allows you $5 per non-virginal hasher - for each person who attends your event so we can pay for shit, and so we can build a little fund towards having events, buying new haberdashery, etc. Monies are usually handled by the Hash Cash, however that doodie falls to the hare if the Hash Cash cannot attend.
- Special occasion hashes may cost more than $6, but then hares should provide more than what you'd get at a typical hash, such as a T-shirt, food, lap dances, BMWs, etc.
- Do not expect to recoup all of your costs. Haring is like throwing a party and you are the host. Deal with it.
9. Have fun!
Don’t make this process too difficult. Hashing is a simple affair for simpletons. Please try to keep this in mind.
10. REMEMBER THE HASH RULES:
- There are no rules.
- No wankers.
- See rule No. 1.
As related by Daily Newd
(dictated, but not read)